On a Roll

Today, my WW monthly pass for the month of May expired. I didn't re-up because it costs a lot more for the membership at home than it does at school, and I was going to have to start over with my etools subscription. Instead, I got up this morning, went to weigh in one last time, and then changed my membership from a monthly to online only for the summer. I'm sure that this is going to be a challenge, not having to go every week and weigh in, but it's only for the next 2.5 months, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to manage it and hold myself more accountable for what I'm doing, since it's all on my own now.

After I weighed in, I decided to finally purchase a copy of the "Just 5" cookbook, which is a WW produced cookbook that has all sorts of recipes that are made with five (or less) ingredients. The best thing is that it includes the PointsPlus values for all of the foods so there's no extra calculating. I plan to use it quite a bit this summer, as well as once I get back to school for the days when we feel like having roommate dinners.

I also bought a box of snack bars, in the "Chewy Chocolate Caramel" flavor. To me, they taste almost like a Milky Way, so I can sort of trick myself into thinking that I'm eating a candy bar, when I'm really eating a healthy snack that only costs me 2 PointsPlus.

Now, on to the weigh-in. All I needed to do in order to hit a 10% weight loss this week was to lose 0.6lbs. I've been really busy at work and missed lunch a few days, but I was never entirely hungry, other than Monday, when I ate an early breakfast and spent all day trying to (finally) unpack from college and then had a relatively late dinner. Other than that though, I was pretty satisfied with breakfast, a snack before work, one after work, and then dinner. I need to figure out a better plan though.

For now though, I weighed in this week at a very exciting 202.6lbs, which is a 3.6lb loss since last week, which puts me over 10% and only about 5lbs away from having lost 30lbs! I'm ecstatic!

Expect pictures for CERTAIN within the week!

-Britt

Big things are happening!

It's finally summer vacation for me. Actually, it has been since May 3rd, but my grandpa passed away before I even made it back from school and then I was job interviewing and starting summer classes, and still not really eating right, so I was too ashamed to blog. That's not good.

But I'm back, baby...and I'm here to stay! My WW membership expires in a few days, but because I'm not able to weigh in at the center near campus, I have to just let it expire and start using only etools and get a reliable home scale. This scares me a little, but I'm pretty confident that I can do it!

I've got to get a shower and get ready for work, but here are a few VERY good things that have happened recently:

1. I got a job. A LOFT opened up in our mall, and I applied just for giggles. Turns out, it was the best decision ever! Grand opening was yesterday, and I worked the busiest shift of the day. So many people came in that were excited that we finally have a LOFT, and even more that had never heard of the place, but ended up buying a significant amount of stuff.

2. I'm down another clothing size! After work yesterday, I went back to LOFT with a friend to buy some work clothes. I get a 50% discount, so I planned on spending quite a bit to get me through the summer. I ended up with a yellow ruffle top with white and beige polka dots, a white linen wrap sweater, and a pair of dark wash knee-length crops and a bright pink and orange striped t-shirt, and then a lime green linen skirt and plain white tee, all for only $116.60! Best of all, the shirts are all size Large (and even a bit loose like that), and the shorts/skirt are (you're not going to believe this) a size 14. FOURTEEN. I almost fainted when they actually fit. I'd set my mind to the fact that they weren't going to, and I was okay with it, knowing I'd just have to work harder to be able to wear them. But I decided to try them on to see how much more I'd need to lose to wear them, and they were perfect! A bit more snug than I usually wear, but that gives me room to shrink into them all summer!!!

3. I've started doing Zumba. I bought the Zumba fitness game for the Kinect on Wednesday, and I'm currently blogging with sweat dripping down my forehead. Zumba is HARD WORK! Let me tell you though, it's fantastic! I had an absolute blast, and I can't wait for tomorrow afternoon for my next workout! Wooo!

4. I lost weight (first time in a month!) I went to WW today expecting to have lost maybe a pound or two. I had my wisdom teeth removed last Friday, and only started eating solid foods again this past Wednesday. I figured that there'd be some change, but that it would probably just be the 3ish pounds that I'd put on over the last month. Boy, was I wrong. When I stepped on the scale, even the woman behind the counter gasped. In the last two weeks (I didn't go last week because I couldn't drive/was looped out on pain pills for my teeth), I've lost a total of 6.2 pounds!!! Right now, I'm only 0.6 away from losing 10%, and I'm pretty sure I can do that this week.

My goal is to have lost 10% by Friday so that I can get my medal and set an UGW at the next meeting....Fingers crossed!!

If I make the goal, then expect progress pictures coming at the end of the week as well! I'm due for some 20lb ones anyways, so hopefully I don't forget!!!

-Britt

Ranting.

I don’t usually get mad about a lot of things, but right now there is something that’s really just working my nerves. I don’t understand society’s double standard when it comes to food/body size.

It’s always “blahblahblah, don’t eat this don’t eat that.” and “blahblahblah you need to lose weight…this girl’s fat…that guy’s going to have heart disease.” And people are constantly degrading other people because of their size/shape/weight, which may not even be something that they can help, and it makes them feel absolutely terrible.

But then when someone tries to watch what they eat or attempt a diet, it has to be some huge secret because the same people that were just judging them for eating too much are now judging them for being a “priss about calorie intake.”

I’m sorry, but how is this okay? Coming from someone that has struggled with my weight for years, I can absolutely say that it’s not. If someone is counting calories/watching what they eat/dieting, then who are you to cut them down? Maybe they’re doing it for a legitimate health reason and not just because of what they see/hear people talking about. Even so, it’s constantly being thrust in our faces that we should look a certain way, but yet when we try to, we get chastised for it.

It just makes me sick.

Procrastination Blog 2011

I really need to get back on track.

A lot of things have happened in the last few weeks, and they're honestly not even worth blogging about at this point. My weight loss has taken the biggest hit from it, as I've been stuck between 18-20 pounds since the beginning of the month. I know that I need to get back on track, and as much as I try to convince myself that it'll happen this week and that I'll hit the 10% mark on Saturday, I just highly doubt that I will.

My last regular day of classes is tomorrow, and then I have four finals next week (2 Monday and 2 Tuesday), and then I get to head home.

As soon as I get home, I know that things will get better, because I'll be able to seriously consider every morsel that goes into my mouth without having a ton of papers and homework and exams and general pressures that come along with being a full-time university student. Plus, I'm going to buy the Zumba Kinect game ASAP when I return, which I know will help kick-start my exercise.

My goal for the summer is to lose another 30 lbs (going off of the assumption that I've lost 20 lbs, since that was the highest loss that I've seen recorded at weigh-ins.) for a total of 50 by the time I return to school, which is on August 10th this year.

I promise that I'll get better with updates and (for my own sake) eating once I'm done with school...I really need to, on both counts.

The List

It seems to me that the times during which I am the busiest are the times that I explore and dream more about my weight loss. However, I don't actively take the steps because I know in my mind that I'm paying more per credit hour than I am to weigh in every week and that I can pick up the pace and work extra hard this summer. Ultimately, I know that's not the ideal situation, but my education is far more important and expensive, so it comes first.

This week, I've stumbled across a lot more quality weight loss blogs, including Jack Sh*t, who I find to be quite unconventional, but absolutely effective. One of the things about Jack's blog that I thoroughly enjoyed was W.I.D.T.H. It really is a great concept, and I immediately started thinking. Of all the reasons that I have given myself about why I'm willingly embarking on this journey, what is the one that reigns supreme over all the others? I honestly don't know, but I managed to come up with ten that stuck out to me. I decided to make a list and think about the reasons over the next ten days, hopefully coming out with one (maybe two) that are the ultimate reasons Why I Do This Here. When I figure it out, I'm going to submit it to Jack Sh*t, and also post it here. In the meantime, here are my top ten W.I.D.T.H's, in no particular order:

1. Because I want to look good during halftime!

2. Because I want to be confident when I meet my future husband.

3. Because I don't want Diabetes, Cancer, or Heart Disease.

4. Because if I don't, PCOS will ruin me & I may never have children.

5. Because one day, I want to live near a beach.

6. To prove to myself that I CAN!

7. To prove everyone else wrong.

8. Because I want every guy that's ever rejected me based on my weight to regret it.

9. Because college only happens once, and it's a time for pictures.

10. Because sometimes, I wonder if I actually have two thighs.

Obviously not all of those reasons are major driving forces behind why I'm doing what I'm doing, but they are important. My goal over the next ten days is to figure out the most important. Expect blogs.

-Brit

Uh Oh

I am not hungry right now, and it's lunch time.

I'm thinking it's because I didn't eat breakfast until later than normal, and that I had more to eat than I usually do...still, if I don't eat lunch now, then my next opportunity is at 3:30...and that's if I don't get to go home.

I'm hoping that I do get to go, because I want to see my grandpa, who is not doing too well, along with go to my high school's musical and the funeral of a close family friend. Plus, my cousins are up from North Carolina, and one of them is like my big brother, and I haven't seen him in two years. Thus, I need to get home.

But back to what I was saying: not hungry, no food in the room for a snack, dliema.

Back on Track

I'm so utterly disgusted with the fact that I haven't updated since March 1st. School has been a never-ending dumping of work, and during Spring Break, I was doing more homework and looking for summer jobs, so I didn't manage to find time even then.

Even in my absence, I've managed to keep my weight tracker updated, so that's one positive thing.

Other (non-weight loss related) news is that I have a job interview for a desk receptionist position for next year in the residence hall that I'm living in. It pays minimum wage and only averages about 15 hours a week, but I'm completely content with that because it's basically the easiest on-campus job that I could find.

Now, as far as my weight loss goes: I haven't necessarily been as strict as I know that I should be. I like to chock it up to school and being overly busy, but I know that I could make the time for it if I really tried. I did pretty well at the start of Spring Break, but by the end of it I'd gained 3.2 pounds and was feeling miserable. A good portion of that gain was due to TOM, and 2.6 of it came off last week, but I know that I could also combat the rest of it if I just got back down to business.

I've done better this week, eating salad for the first time in months and trying to keep myself from getting a stomach ache from it (for whatever reason, salad and mass amounts of bread do not agree with my medication...I still have yet to figure out why this happens.) In addition to the salad, I've had better breakfasts and I worked out yesterday (I would have today as well, but it started to blizzard and I was on my bike, so I needed to get back to my dorm before it got too bad.) Still, I ride my bike almost everywhere now, so it's not like I'm just not getting any physical activity at all.

I'm really kind of nervous about this week's weigh-in, but in a good way. I really just want to get back to the mindset that I was in a few weeks ago, when I was working out and the weight was coming off somewhat easily. I know that with the semester coming to an end, things are going to get pretty hectic, but my goal is to keep up with my tracking/exercise/eating and also with my blog updates. Just six more weeks and it's summer for me!

-B

Video Update

I didn't have time to sit down and type up an update, so I made a (kind of) quick video that hashes out the events of the last few weeks. Plus, pictures!

Here are the pictures of my face weight loss, as promised:

^^This was on October 8th, twenty days before I started WW.

^^This one was taken on Friday night. It amazes me how much my face has slimmed down in just five months.

Re-design!

Of course, when I should be studying for a math quiz, I decided to re-design my blog. Whatever.

I thought that the new title deserved some explaining, since I didn't start this blog to be a weight-loss blog, though that's exactly where it's ended up taking me.

Before I moved to college, I came up for a weekend camp, during which I was told that the food here was so good, people didn't gain the 'freshman fifteen,' they gained the 'freshman fifty.' I made up my mind at that point that I was NOT going to gain another fifty pounds this year (due to underlying health issues, I had during a very short time my senior year.) The day before I moved, I made a promise to myself in a conversation with my mother. I said that I was not going to gain fifteen pounds, fifty pounds, or anything of the sort. Instead, I vowed to lose fifty pounds over the course of this year, and then write a book about it (that's such a running theme in my life.)

I may have gotten a bit of a late start, and I may have just recently gotten into high-gear, but I believe that I can do it. I have until May 7th to reach 178.4lbs, and I feel like that's quite a reasonable amount of time, as long as I stay completely on track. I mean, if I don't lose quite that much then I'm definitely not going to be bummed; anything at this point is good. But still, it's nice to have that goal set, and that's the only date that I'm going to set for myself. The rest of it can just come off naturally, but I'd like to have lost fifty pounds by the time I move home for summer vacation.

Also, one other thing I'd like to point out: I fixed the sizing on my progress pictures, and they're now under a specific page, located up there (^^), along with a goals/rewards page. I really had a lot of fun sitting down and planning specific goals, and (even though it's not set yet), once I reach my ultimate goal weight, I have the biggest reward planned; something that I've wanted to do all my life. You'll have to check it out if you want to see though!!

Kay, that's all I have for now. (:

-Britt

It's Monday.

Surprisingly, there's not a case of the Mondays in sight for me today! I mean, I woke up later than normal, but I made it to class on time and the sun is shining and the snow is melting and Valentine's Day in college>Valentine's Day in high school. The only real setback of today was that because I woke up late, I didn't have time to go to the cafeteria to get a banana, so I had a really unhealthy breakfast of 100calorie bite-sized brownies, a box of raisins, and a swig of milk. What counts as 'unhealthy' now could have actually been a lot worse, but still.

I did something to mess up my knee, but I'm not going to let it stop me from working out after dinner with a group of my friends. I almost backed out because I have to go to a movie showing for class, but I told myself that if I wanted to get the ball rolling with this weight-loss, I needed to buckle down and start moving. I'm going to do the best that I can today with my knee, but I don't think it's going to bother me too much; at least I hope not.

I'm getting ready to go to dinner, but here's what I've had to eat today:

Breakfast:

100calorie Brownie bites

1/8cup raisins

1/4cup skim milk

Lunch:

turkey sandwich on wheat bread, piece of lettuce, slice of cheese, light mayo

2 pickle spears

4 orange slices

snickerdoodle cookie

Afternoon Snack:

100calorie Brownie bites

Dinner:

2 pieces coconut shrimp

mashed red potatoes

cupcake

1cup skim milk

Evening Snack:

apple

My daily points allowance decreased by 1 after this last weigh-in, but it's not really much of a change from last week.

-Britt

Cause for Celebration

I have many reasons to celebrate right now:

1. I think I'm almost over the sickness; all that's left is a runny nose and a cough. The fever started Tuesday and ended with a bang sometime late Thursday night/early Friday morning. All I know is that I woke up in my Mommy's bed (I was sick and needed to be taken care of like a toddler, apparently) completely drenched in sweat. Evidently it took leggings, pj pants, a t-shirt, sweatshirt, slippers, and three blankets to finally break my fever, but whatever works.

2. I got a super cute new pair of boots today that I'm absolutely in love with.

3. I got a zebra pillow pet from my parents. This made the day wonderful in and of itself because the zebra is apparently the rarest of all pillow pets...so much so that he was selling for almost a hundred dollars on ebay around Christmas. Somehow, with a magnificent stroke of luck, my mother found him at a Justice store three weeks ago when there were only two left from a shipment that had arrived an hour prior. I am in love.

4. I can almost (ALMOST!) fit into a pair of black skinny jeans that I got for Christmas last year (2009) and refused to take back because I knew that one day, I'd fit into them. That day is almost here! I can get them completely on, which is already more than I could do when I received them, and they button. But the problem is that they're still snug and my belly sort of filters out the top of them. Regardless, I'd say another ten pounds and they'll fit more comfortable, and another twenty will get rid of some of the belly spillage.

5. (This is the big one!) I weighed in today, and I lost a total of 4.2 pounds last week! Granted a majority of this loss probably came from my sheer lack of eating adequately Wed-Fri because of my illness, but still; I'd like to think that the careful tracking that I did when I was eating had a lot to do with it as well. I really worked hard at considering and controlling what I was eating, and even though some meals were too small or even didn't exist, I feel overall accomplished about this week's progress. This loss gives me a total of 12.4 pounds, putting me beyond my first goal weight and quickly on track to losing 10%!!! Here's to hoping that I can do it with more ease, now that I know just how good tracking does!!!

That's it, really. I've also added some progress pictures to the right side bar, but they're abnormally large right now and I don't have sleep time to waste on fixing them, so I'll do that soon. I'm kind of upset that I didn't smile in my pictures from today, but I'll just remember to do it next time!!!!

-Britt

Oops.

Today, I sort of splurged.

I didn't track and I didn't really eat much at all, 'cept for a slice of cheesecake and some ice cream...but being that all I had was a little bit of chicken noodle soup for lunch/a turkey wrap for dinner, I'd say it all evens out.

All I know is that this sickness is hardcore kicking my butt...I just want it to be over; I didn't even have the energy to fully blog today.

mer.

Anchor

I am sick.

I've been so good at fighting all of the illness that's run rampant on campus since August, getting away with only one day of a stomach ache a few weeks ago. Of course, when I'm coming up on the busiest few weeks of the semester, I catch something. I woke up this morning and felt absolutely miserable. I had a sore throat and slight cough, but the biggest part was that I ached everywhere. Sitting through/staying awake in my morning class was a chore and I've wanted nothing more than a nap all day long. Earlier I felt so bad that I contemplated not eating lunch. However, after a nice long pep talk with myself, I managed to grab a little bite from the cafeteria before my afternoon classes. I felt better for a while, but I really can't wait for my night class to be over so that I can come back, watch Glee, and then just sleep.

After I posted yesterday, I ran into a few minor snags in the cafeteria: the stir-fry was chicken instead of beef, and the potato soup was gone. Instead, I got the stir-fry and brown rice, opted out of the slice of wheat bread, and got an "oriental hot and sour" soup. If dieting in college has taught me one thing, it's that I need to be able to adapt to sudden changes and overcome them. After dinner I went to The Munch (a campus convenience store) with my roommate, and there I got a cup of grapes and fresh strawberries, and a 3 Musketeer bar. The Musketeer bar was an almost instant regret, but I really wanted it and with 49 extra points every week, I could have it without guilt. I don't like to utilize the 49 points too often, because I can't trust myself with them yet; I really tend to go overboard on things easily.

Despite the dinner switch and the candy bar, yesterday actually ended up pretty great. Everyone parked on North Campus had to move their cars yesterday for plowing, so last night when we went to return them to the lot, I just threw on a CMU fleece that I bought back in October. When I bought the fleece, it was just a bit more snug than I would have liked, but I was thinking about starting WW so I just let it go. Well, last night when I put it on, it was quite loose-fitting!!! This was the first time that I'd actually noticed a difference in the way my clothes were fitting, and I was beyond ecstatic. I mean, every once in a while my jeans will be looser than normal, but they're made to stretch with wear and so I don't really count them as reliable. But this jacket, which I haven't worn since before Christmas, was just the pick-me-up that I needed.

Along with the jacket, I came across another anchor today. In my Honors lit class, we have snacks. They typically are oreos or something equally as inticing. Today was mini chocolate and cinnamon sugar donuts. Those two flavors are my favorite, but I took one look at them and told myself "No, you just had lunch, and those won't feel good on the scale this week." It worked, too: I saw them sitting on the desk all class, and I didn't want them after that. The necessity for an anchor is becoming more apparent, especially after last week's WW meeting. Even though I feel pretty bad today, little things like that have made me want to smile all day long.

I have to finish a paper before class, but here's what today's food looks like:

Breakfast:

1/2 whole grain english muffin, toasted

1tbsp Nutella

1 banana

1cup skim milk

Lunch:

1/2 white pita

2 slices deli turkey

lettuce

1 slice American cheese

light mayo

2 pickle spears

10 green grapes

a sugar cookie (our caf's cookies are delish, and only 3 PointsPlus; I can never pass them up)

Snacks:

WW Coffee cake

Ritz 100 calorie snack mix

Dinner:

Chicken Marsala w/ wide noodles

Steamed broccoli spears

cherry jello cubes

1cup skim milk

Evening Snacks:

1bag single-serve popcorn

string cheese

I'm doing really good with staying at my 36 PointsPlus, and honestly, with the way I'm feeling today, this might be a ton of food. We'll see.

-Britt

Feelin' Good, part 2

Of course I would forget something.

I wanted to include this in the previous post, but 1. I forgot, and 2. it was pretty lengthy anyways, so I'll just leave it here.

Jennifer Hudson was part of my inspiration to start WW from day one. She has worked incredibly hard and looks AMAZING! When the WW site offered this as a free download, you can bet I jumped right on it...it's a beautiful rendition of the song, and only adds to my motivation. I'm definitely going to be rocking this at the gym. (:

Feelin' Good

I was actually going to blog last week, because I went to the gym on Thursday and spent 30 minutes on the elliptical, but I ran out of time and then didn't actually feel too great about my over-all performance the rest of the week.

I'd like to take this time to interject something: this is slowly turning into a blog in which I discuss only my weight-loss. I'm kind of okay with it, because it helps me out a lot...I hope you're okay with it too.

Anyways, after my class on Thursday I met Hannah at the gym and we worked out; I was beyond proud of myself and decided that I needed to start doing it more often. It hasn't happened since then, but my intentions are still the same and I fully intend to get back there more than once this week, plus take advantage of my mother's Planet Fitness membership when I go home this weekend. I wish I could make up a reason as to why I didn't go to the gym on Friday, because I completely planned to, but the truth is simply that I didn't want to go outside. Saturday some of my family came up and we walked campus all day, so I'll count that as a workout, and yesterday I took a nap (my cousin was sick during their visit and was awake at short intervals throughout the night, therein keeping me awake as well), went shopping, and then watched the Super Bowl with my roommates. The good thing about yesterday: I bought yoga pants while shopping, so like I said, good intentions.

I texted Hannah last night and told her to meet me at the gym today, but when I woke up this morning, I felt terrible. Not sick, persay, but just all around gross....tired and achy, so I told her we'd have to postpone until later this week. Besides, I have a math exam tomorrow that I really need to study for.

However, I still feel really good as far as my mindset goes. At weigh-in on Saturday morning, I gained 1.4 lbs. I was discouraged at first, but I also knew that it wasn't going to be pretty, for a number of reasons (the biggest of which being that I was in a foul mood all week and ate whatever I felt like). Instead of letting the number get me down though, I decided that I needed to use it as motivation to do ten times better this week (not to mention that this was the theme of the meeting as well).

So far, so good though. I've written down everything that I've eaten/am going to be eating today, and I managed to have quite a bit of food and hit my PointsPlus target exactly. The beautiful thing about Weight Watchers is that I can really stock up on fruits and veggies and they don't cost me any points. Already today, I've had a banana, a pear, lettuce and tomato on my sandwich, and two pickle spears, none of which went against my target.

To get an idea of just how much I'm eating today, here's a rundown:

Breakfast:

1/2 whole grain english muffin, toasted

1 banana

1tbsp Nutella spread

1 cup skim milk

Lunch:

Turkey wrap: flour tortilla, 3 slices of deli turkey, 1 slice of American cheese, lettuce, 3 slices of tomato, and light mayo

2 dill pickle spears

1 small pear

100 Calorie Oreo Cakesters (for dessert and my never-ending sweet tooth)

Afternoon Snack:

Weight Watchers Coffee Cake (like I said...major sweet tooth.

And then, even though I haven't gone yet, here's what I'm planning on having for dinner:

Beef & Vegetable Stir fry

Meatless Potato soup

1 slice wheat bread

1 cup skim milk

Vanilla-Raspberry Parfait (I figure if I have something small and sweet then I won't crave later)

My evening snacks are planned to be:

1 orange

1 single-serve bag of light butter-flavored popcorn

All of this totals out to 36 PointsPlus, which is exactly on target and I couldn't be more excited.

I'm anxious to see how the numbers look at the end of this week!

-Britt

Before I fall too fast.

It's late and I'm drained, but I'm feeling kind of down and something just told me that the best way to let it out was to blog, so that's what I'm doing.

(Let me preface this post by stating that I couldn't get out of my dorm to go to weigh-in today because Mom Nature dumped a ton of snow on us last night. Great.)

Yesterday was great; today started off great as well. J came by twice yesterday and the following is just some of what happened: he called me "his favorite Brittany," swapping hats back and forth, being subtly flirty, and him popping up in the kitchenette when we were making smoothies. Today he came by and ended up watching Black Swan with me/my girl friends, and after they left he stayed to watch Despicable Me. We shared the couch and our bodies were literally touching from shoulder to foot. I thought that things were going really well, until the time he got up to leave.

I've been working really hard lately to seem like I'm confident and sure of myself, and I swear that it blew up in less than five minutes tonight.

If it weren't a bad enough blow to my self-esteem that he seemed to be scooting away while watching the second movie (which doesn't seem like what was really going on because less then a minute after he'd move, he'd be right back), then the way I behaved as he left was enough to send me spiraling back to my pre-new-years state. I stole his hat and ran away with it and I swear that I was acting like a ten year old. J even asked me why I was acting like such a little kid. Needless to say, I was mortified; I came back inside, locked the door, and cried--twice.

It was in the middle of the second cry and a series of text messages to Kitty (who is proving to be the best friend that I've got at school) that I realized that two things needed to be done:

The first was this blog post. I need to be able to get my head clear and somewhat organized before I try to do anything else, and that's exactly what this is for.

The second, while it's not something I would normally think of doing, is a letter to J. I've known it all along, but I really came to terms with it tonight. He needs to know how I feel about him, and so I'm putting it all out in black and white. Whether or not I actually give it to him is something else entirely, but even if I don't, it'll be good for me and my sanity.

I'm just so at a loss right now as far as what I should do. I know that the only way things can move forward (or, dare I even mention it, end) is if I let him know how I feel, but it literally gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.

What, dear readers, do you think I should do?

This is an update.

Do you see what I mean about how terribly I'd fail as soon as I got back to school? I knew it would happen.

So much has transpired since I got back, but of the things that pertain to my blog: I missed a weigh-in and then was shocked when I finally went....and I'm getting so comfortable (at least for myself) around a very particular male.

Firstly, the weigh-in:

College is the enemy. More specifically, college food is the enemy. It's not that I've done absolutely terrible (we'll get to that in a second), but when you have two meals a day with only a few options and 200 dollars to spend at the campus convenience stores/coffee shop, it's kind of difficult not to fall victim. However, I'm not going to beat myself up over it, because at weigh-in last week the meeting leader stressed that it's perfectly fine to eat something if you want it because deprivation only makes the craving worse, and then, binge eating happens. I've had bosco sticks, spaghetti o's, ice cream, a cupcake, a white mocha, and candy bars; but I'm not ashamed of it. I've also had lots of fruits and vegetables, healthy grains, and I've been drinking water like I'm a fish. In the end, I really feel like I'm going to be okay. If I went through and ate like a rabbit, I might lose weight quickly, but I'd be miserable. I'd much rather do it slowly and enjoy the journey than to do the same thing that I've done every other time that I've not succeeded.

When I went to weigh-in last week, I was terrified. Being back at school and eating things that I wasn't used to for a month seemed like the worst idea ever. Add to that the fact that I'd skipped the previous week's meeting, and I was expecting the worst. However, when I stepped on the scale, I was pleasantly surpirsed. In the two weeks since I'd been back at school, I'd lost exactly three pounds! If you're paying attention at all to my weight record over there -->, you'd know that three pounds over two weeks is really unusual for me. Needless to say, I was thrilled. This week probably won't be anywhere near the same, but I'm trying to stay optimistic; I've lost almost ten pounds and 5% of my bodyweight, so I feel that I'm in my rights to be excited.

Now, on to the second issue that I brought up with my very first post but have yet to address again:

Things are going absolutely swimmingly. He's spent so much time in my room since the semester started, and my roommates are all super sure that he's feeling it too. We were supposed to go to the basketball game tonight, but he has a meeting and so he backed out. Buuuut, he told me that I looked cute, so the renig is slightly acceptable. It has also been confirmed that he's supersuper into his faith/belief in God/going to church/etc, and he has a bracelet proclaiming his sexual purity. This is exactly the kind of boy that I could take home to my parents.

However, my computer is on the verge of battery death, so I (unfortunately) have to cut this short. I'm going to try to be better at updating, but you'll have to forgive me if I slack a bit; things with school this semester are super hectic.

-Brit.

I Should Be Sleeping

No seriously, I have to be up and ready to go to weigh-in by 9:00 in the morning...it's almost 2:00 right now. Thus has become Brittany's nocturnal habit during semester break. I really need to stop staying up so late, especially when I'm less than two days away from having a steady 9-4 class schedule almost every day, with very little break in between...no more naps this semester, sadly.

But that's not what I'm really here to talk about (and at this point I'll throw in my apologies for not blogging more than I have been...that's kind of how my blog life works, but I'm really trying.) The topic on my mind right now is, once again, my lifestyle change. I've started referring to it as that, rather than the D word or 'weight loss,' because those are dirty words in my mind.

My intentions with this blog were not to make it my journey to thin chronicles, but it's honestly helping me (at least, I think it is...tomorrow's weigh-in shall really tell.) However, no matter how much it's helping me to write about my successes and struggles, I still hope to incorporate multiple facets on my road to being a happier me...this is just what's at the forefront for the current time.

Before I get into anything else, I would just like to say that I stepped on our home scale a few days ago out of curiosity and according to it, I was half a pound away from losing 5% of my body weight. The thing that I keep reminding myself, however, is that our scale is severely inaccurate compared to the one that I use at legitimate weigh-ins, but even still; it has been such a motivator knowing that I'm actually getting close to my first goal, even if I haven't exactly reached it yet. I haven't set a reward for reaching this particular goal yet, but I think it's going to be something very small...like a nap or an extra long shower or something. *The small things matter too, my friends*

Now, as for the meat of this post: I've been noticing some major flaws in the way that I go about food/moving in my daily life. I often find it easy to just 'forget' to take my multivitamin and Vitamin D (which, if my doctor knew I was skipping the D, she'd kill me) every day, and I've been getting lazy on my protein. When I first started trying to get healthier and also got put on my medication, my goal was to eat a lot of foods that are high in protein. My doctor told me that protein, along with the medicine, would nip my problems in the bud and also make it easier for me to shed some weight. The way that we determined what was 'high in protein' is this: if the carbs are any more than twice the amount of protein in a serving of something, then it's not high. For example: if there are 7 grams of protein and 20 carbs, then the food is not considered to have high protein. With 7 grams of protein, anything 14 carbs and under (plus or minus 2) is high. I've been seriously neglecting this lately, and I need to get back to it.

The final two things that I've started doing to hinder myself are that I'm drinking soda again (a habit I regained once I started school...which is pretty good considering my other drinking options on a University campus), and not journaling my food intake. In the beginning, I was incredibly on top of writing down my food. I would do it as soon as I'd had breakfast and I would decide at that point exactly what I would be eating for the entire day, both meals and snacks. Since I've been home on break , that's simply fallen away from me.

I'm preparing to return to school on Sunday, and so I've compiled a list of things that I need to work on:
-Take my vitamins DAILY
-Get back to the high protein plan
-Do away with the soda again, this time for good
-Resume food journaling
-Start utilizing the exercise facilities (this one I didn't talk about necessarily, but I worked out a few times this week and felt AMAZING about it, so it's a given.)

Until the next time, dearest readers, keep your fingers crossed for me as I go to the last weigh-in of winter break...I'm nervous.

Motivation and Satisfaction Ramblings

If you're taking note, this is the second consecutive blog entry of 2011. Not that this is a record or anything, but still.

In continuing with my "things I need to work on" 2011 edition, I would like to focus this post on the first of the two topics. If you haven't noticed, there is now a weight record on the right sidebar(over there-->). Now, I never intended for this to be a diet blog, but having seen the same thing on other blogs, I realized how ballsy it is to actually put that out there. Since it automatically seemed like something I would never do, I knew that I needed to.

In my HON100 class last semester, we were taught to focus on pushing ourselves to do things that we didn't think we could or that seemed out of the ordinary for us. Quite clearly, this lesson impacted me, because here I am a month later with a weight loss log posted on my blog for goodness knows who to see.

My reasoning behind this, however, is actually more based on motivating myself than following a lesson that I learned in school. I figure that if I put it out there and I'm uncomfortable with the numbers that my readers (if I even have any, which I certainly hope I do) see, then I need to work that much harder to make them go down. As I sat here tonight going through my printed log, I realized that I'm not actually that far from my first goal, but every time I take a step forward, I take a leap back. I'm never going to reach my goal that way, so I recognize that there are major things that I need to do to help myself.

This starts in the morning at precisely 7:00 am. I'm getting up and stretching myself out, walking on the Gazelle for ten minutes, then doing at least a half hour of Kinect Sports or Dance, ten more minutes on the Gazelle, and then more stretches.

I always tell myself that I need to start working out, and even when I had my gym membership last year, I somehow ended up with more excuses as to why I couldn't exercise than I'd ever think possible. For this reason, my motivation is that I can't read Dear John tomorrow unless I work out first. I'm sure that in time, I'll need more motivators, but for now I'll see how this works.

It's time to be happy and satisfied, dear readers. Along with being beautiful, remember that you are capable of achieving absolutely anything that you want out of life.

Start of Something New

Excuse the cheesy High School Musical reference, but I felt that it was much needed.

Before I start, I'd like to give a disclaimer right off the bat: this is the third remodeling of this blog and (for various, unmentioned reasons) I have yet to be consistent with posts beyond two or three. While I don't foresee this being any different, my New Year's resolution is to try to be more post-conscious.

Now, as someone that does not necessarily join in on the hype of beginning a new year (although I was exceptionally excited last year in light of graduation), I'm just going to skip the whole 'reflecting' thing or making up some big story about how I'm going to change and become a whole new person just because the calendar has changed. I mean, I used to be like that, up until a few months ago. I wrote out yearly reflections, made montage videos, and said that I was going to make big life turn-arounds every year.

However, I don't find any of those things necessary anymore. I believe that this is because I'm finally comfortable, both with where my life is and with myself. I've discovered things about how I operate and how friendships are supposed to operate since I've been to college, and because of that I don't feel the need to try changing myself. I know that I'm doing what I should be doing and I'm learning to be my own person. I say "learning" because I still watch myself hold back or go with the flow, and I know that in time that will change--it's already begun to do so within the last six months.

Granted, I recognize that there are a few things that I need to do in order to help myself grow into the woman that I'm going to be. The two things that I want to focus on currently are my health habits and my self-confidence when it comes to the opposite sex.

I've been dieting since November (as well as practically my whole life, off and on), but that's just it: dieting. I made the decision to change my physical self because I was unhappy and because big health problems had risen to the forefront of my life. Being put on medication anyways, I knew that I could help myself out if I got into a healthy lifestyle. However, I never really made the lifestyle change that I needed to. Every time I go to a weigh-in and I'm not satisfied, excuses immediately pop into my mind as to why things went wrong. Enough of that. It's time to take responsibility and help myself out.

And then, my self-confidence. I often blame my lack of significant-other on my high standards, but the point is that I don't take initiative and thus probably (definitely) let good things pass me by. But I recognize that this too needs to change, and so it will. I go back to school next Sunday, and I can already feel opportunities presenting themselves.

For now, I'm taking things one step at a time. Step one? Telling myself every single day that I am beautiful, no matter what. For that matter, everyone and everything is. Remember that, dear readers: you are beautiful.

♥