Monday, January 9, 2012

Back to School Update

Today was the first day of Spring semester for me, and I must say: I've never been this unexcited to go to school. When I got home Friday night, I literally cried non-stop all night long, and then continued when I woke up Saturday. I really just didn't want to come back.

It doesn't make much sense, because this is my first semester taking classes for my English major (I decided last semester to switch from studying Public Relations to Creative Writing), but I'm just...I'm not in the mood for school. I had an Economics class last semester that literally kicked my butt, and caused my GPA to fall below the minimum requirement for my academic scholarship, so I have to basically ace all of my classes this time around in order to bring it back to at least a 3.25 and keep the scholarship. Otherwise, it's goodbye college for me. I think that's part of it; I'm terrified because this is the most important semester

of my education, ever. Add on to that the fact that by the time it's over in May, I'll officially be halfway done with college, and in just two more years, it's "hello, real world."

I know that a big part of my sadness over the last few days is that a very close friend of mine had been visiting from North Carolina since the 30th (my birthday!!) and he was going to be heading home as well. It's hard having to say goodbye to friends and leave home, but it's even worse when those friends are also leaving. I know how much it hurts him to have to go home, because his heart is in Michigan and going back to NC kills him. But I digress.

Despite literally crying every single day since Friday, I've been doing fairly well. I got up this morning and had a breakfast shake, and I completed Week 1, Day 1 of C25K. I didn't have lunch today because I had a really emotional moment after talking t
o the aforementioned friend between classes, and ended up falling asleep for about an hour. However, I had a grilled chicken breast with a slice of swiss cheese on a bun and a bowl of chili and glass of skim milk for supper, and I treated myself to a frosted cookie just because.

Tomorrow, I aim to actually eat all three meals, and do some kind of workout, maybe abs or something, so that I don't just sit and do absolutely nothing on my off days of C25K. In the meantime, I really should go to bed and get a good night's sleep so that I'm prepared for classes tomorrow.
After finishing C25K today. (:

Thursday, January 5, 2012


I don't even want to talk about how long it's been since I've posted or even thought about posting. With that also comes the length of time that it's been since I've actually followed any sort of "weight-loss" program, and it makes me sick to even think about.

This morning, my breakfast was two giant spoonfuls of Duncan Hines Cream Cheese icing. Sick, right?

I have done good not to gain back everything that I lost last year, but back in June I let a heartbreak get the best of me, and from that point on I used every excuse I could find not to work out or eat properly.

Well, no more.

I stayed away from my blog because I was ashamed of the way I'd just let myself go. I thought many times about writing a blog about what I was going through...I experienced my first real, legitimate, earth-shattering heartbreak and it really messed me up. I probably should have written about it; it would've made me feel much better. Regardless, I didn't and it's over and reconciled now anyways, so there is no conceivable point in rehashing dirty details of a summer-romance-gone-wrong.

I cannot let that, or any other situation, define me anymore. I started on a path to fitness and good health for my OWN benefit, and I was, up to a certain point, doing incredibly well. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the progress that I was making and the goals that I had set, and indulging in food became more important than anything else.

I'm done. Starting this moment, my mindset is changing. I have to get back to where I was (mentally and physically) when I came home from school in May. A lot may have happened and changed me as a person, but I still have the same desire: to look and feel amazing, for no one but myself. I NEED this...I need to once and for all wrap my mind around something and genuinely change how I look at my life, in every aspect.

It won't be easy...because of being away at school, I can't do WW anymore. I can't have a meeting membership that will work both at school AND at home, and $40 a month is too costly to have to cancel over every extended break in which I won't be on campus. I've still got an online membership, but the challenge is going to come in actually logging my food and utilizing the tools.

I'm considering buying the eBook of the 17 Day Diet, hoping to kick-start myself and recharge my batteries, so to speak. Starting Sunday (I'll officially be back on campus), I'm going to begin the Couch To 5K program, and hopefully by mid-March, I'll be in much better shape than I currently find myself.

Ideally, I'd like to lose about 20 lbs by April 10th. My cousin is getting married on the 14th, so my family is taking a trip to North Carolina that weekend, and I've got a dress to fit into. It fits me now, but it's a bit more snug than I'd really like, so I know that dropping some weight will help out. Another 20 lb loss will (just a guess) put me at/around a size 14. That's not too shabby in my book, considering that I haven't seen clothes that size since the end of my junior year.

So this is it. No more excuses, no more relying on other people. Just me, myself, and a daily decision to look and feel better than the day before. I can do this, I know it. (:

Starting Weight: 206.0